Learning to Forgive

 

April 16, 2023

A friend asked me about forgiveness. I decided I would explain how I became a better man by putting my life in God's hands. Learning to forgive was a crucial factor on my journey.

Kairos Prison Ministry has offered a three-day Christian renewal to prisoners for over forty years. Some call it a short course in Christianity. About forty "free men" come into the prison and put on a program for forty or so prisoners, a series of talks on several fundamental principles.

Unconditional love. Some of the volunteers are priests, preachers, ministers from various church denominations, while most are goodhearted men who want to share the word of God with deprived prisoners who might never otherwise be exposed to it.

I'm not going to summarize the entire program — I'm sure Mr. Google is better equipped to fulfill that role. Their headquarters are somewhere around Winter Park.

There is a lot of spiritual healing during the weekend, especially involving forgiveness. Many prisoners are crippled by guilt, anger, resentment, hatred toward those who hurt them, betrayed them, testified against them, and abandoned them, any of a dozen transgressions that are burdens that weigh them down. The Friday sessions and Saturday sessions build up to a talk by one of the free men who shares his personal experiences with forgiveness.

There are numerous examples. One that affected me was the comparison that one's bitter hatred is like a fiery hot coal grasped tightly in one's hand. The harder you squeeze it, the more it burns you. The other person is not damaged — you are. The most logical action is to open your hand and fling that hot coal as far as you can throw it. How do you do that?

When I went through Kairos #9 at Union C..I. in May, 1982, they did the exercise differently than they do now, but no matter. It's the personal internal process that matters. "I forgive you." They pass out a bunch of slips of paper, and tell you, "Write down the names of every person who has wronged you, that you hate, hold a grudge for, that harmed you, and forgive them. "I forgive you"— and mean it. Let them go.

They used to pass around a gallon metal can and tell you to put in the slips of paper. When they collected all the names, they would light the paper. The names went straight up in smoke, straight to God, who forgave each and every one of us.

If God can forgive us our major sins, can we not forgive others? Be Christ-like?

I had a lot of names on my list. Perhaps that's why they don't set the papers on fire any more. When I was doing it, I was skeptical, thought it was just another exercise. But when I tossed in those slips and saw them go up in smoke, I felt something. A weight I didn't know I carried lifted off me. I felt clean. I had been holding tightly to that burning hot coal, squeezing it tightly, never even realizing it.

It wasn't over. That slate was clean, but life goes on. I've had numerous opportunities to forgive others who've wronged me. Remind me to tell you about my "friend," Otis, and what he did to earn my forgiveness. Bottom line — forgiveness heals the one who forgives.

You can't go through life pushing around a wheelbarrow full of anger and frustration. Let it go.

I screw up all the time. And I'm not afraid to put myself out there and ask, "God, please forgive me." If God can forgive me, it's only fair that I forgive those who have offended me, in turn.

There's much more to say on this subject, but it has been a long day, and I am tired.

Do you want to see how it works? Think of your worst enemy, the person who has hurt you the most. Picture that person in your mind. Sincerely say, "I forgive you," and mean it.

And God will continue to forgive you.

Charlie